His Perspective

Prior to getting home fom work tonight, I called my husband to find out how our youngest son did at his baseball game.  Their little team got creamed...what I understand is that they really had a tough time and lost by at least ten points.  My son had his first chance to pitch tonight as this is his first season to play kid pitch.  When I got home from work, I asked my youngest how his baseball game went.  He said, "It was so great.  I had lots of fun....and guess what?  I got to pitch and walked most of the team.  I really liked it.  I did really good."

"Hummmmph...."

What age is it exactly that we lose that childlike innocence and love for ourselves...no matter how we do?  I hope that I can find a way to bottle how he feels about himself so that he will grow up thinking that he is the best, always, no matter the outcome...just like he does right now.

Workout Conundrum, Feeling and Looking Good?

Really, I know it.  Everyone knows it.  To be a completely healthy person, exercise is a must.  Commercials, magazine articles, gurus, and newspapers have millions and millions of articles, tests, and facts to back up this thought.  

I've not always been bigger, but I am now.  This isn't something that I talk about, it's not something that I'm proud of, and for me it's daily mental torture.  I grew up feeling like being my size was not the right size - I could always be smaller - and this was when I weighed less than a black Labrador.  It's not that I don't know how to eat right or belong to a gym, it is just that the amount to loose now is so large, that I don't even know how to begin...Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, a personal trainer, and my family and friends wonder if I'll ever be able to pass the three week mark without messing up....again.

I belong to a gym and actually really like going, but I do not like how I look at the gym.  This is the thing, I know that I am supposed to work out, but show my "bigger" girl self where to buy some decent looking workout clothes.  Trust me when I say that I 've looked....at the mall, at sports shops, online, BUT...most of the time, I end up wearing a big man's t-shirt and some sloppy shorts.  I already feel like I don't fit in, so does what I have to wear need to be so obvious too?

As I finish this blog, so many things run through my mind...is tomorrow the day that I will begin a healthy eating regimen?  How long will it take me to lose the weight that I need to lose?  Will I ever really be able to find good-looking workout clothes?  The answer is in the search - and I am now on the prowl.

Misuse of I'm Sorry

Last night I went to the grocery store and was pushing the cart down the aisle.  As I got to the end, I took a sharp left after looking left, right, left.  Out of nowhere, there was another buggy that almost bumped mine.  I immediately said, "I'm sorry."

The night before last, my husband and I met one of my best friends from college for dinner.  After I got my meal, I said, "Could I please get some more green chili for my burrito.  I'm sorry."

Yesterday at work there were some women complaining because they didn't think that the rules that were set for the other 100,000 people should pertain to them.  As I talked to them, I said, "I'm sorry."

This is the thing....I really wasn't sorry, but the words just spilled out.

But...I really am sorry when I have trouble communicating to my children and husband exactly how much I love and care about them, I'm sorry that I don't always know the right words to say when someone I care about is hurting, and I'm especially sorry if I should say I'm sorry but I don't.

Twenty Years and Still in High School

So....this weekend is my 20th high school reunion.  How is it that I feel like I never left?  I'm nervous, anxious, and excited to see friends from the past, but I can't help but wonder what they'll wonder.

How will I be judged?  Will anyone care?  Will they talk about who I have become behind my back?

I'm hoping that I've grown up, and my mind will shut off...it really doesn't matter what they think, does it?

Tonight as I begin to ready myself, I make this vow -

I am me...like me or not...nobody can make me worry but myself...

Self - no worries, no doubts, be who I am.

Have fun.

Laugh lots.

Be exuberant about the person I have become...

Still - could you wish me a little luck?

Envious of the Life

My dad and step mom just got back from a trip to Scotland and Ireland.  Right before their travels, I was talking to a friend about her trip to Europe.  She was talking to me about how American tourists are known by their footwear.  Wearing tennis shoes is a sure way to give away our "tourist status."

Unfortunately, I have never had any traveling trips to Europe, so this first conversation intrigued me.  As I sat talking to my family about their trip our conversation started with footwear.  From there it progressed to so many different things.  Obviously it was about the travels that had just been had, but then the conversation turned to one that I raptly listened to.

The bathroom situation is apparently much different there....so clean, so nice, so environmentally friendly.  The U.S. is behind the times by leaps and bounds European standards.  All public restrooms have state of the art hand dryers that you put your hands in...and they dry very quickly!  A time saver and good for the planet.  In addition, after sitting on the "loo" the seat cover will magically have a clean clear coating...ready for the next sitter.  

Europeans know more about what is going on with our presidential election than we do.  There is one candidate that generally all believe would be much better for the economy, way of life, and for diplomatic relations and is expressed through numerous conversations.  

Food is delicious.  All items are fresh - without being frozen and having preservatives.

Television is not banned, but there is not much on, so entertainment takes a different feel.  One of the favorite things my dad saw were two boys about age 10 who went into the pub.  They played the banjo and guitar and knew all of the Irish songs.  They just looked like they had been doing it forever.  They lived in a small town and the townspeople had as much a hand in raising these boys as the parents did.

In addition, most Europeans know more than one language, as this is imperative in communicating with bordering countries and neighbors.

I am proud to live in America and I love the place I call home, but occasionally I wonder, hope, and long for things that I have never known.